


When I Look at Him

by nobodynose



Series: Marcus Reprogrammed [3]
Category: Lab Rats (TV 2012)
Genre: Gay, M/M, Paranoia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24409723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nobodynose/pseuds/nobodynose
Summary: Chase knew that after everything that had happened between him and Marcus, he wouldn't be able to look at him the same way. But he didn't think he'd look at him THAT way.
Relationships: Chase Davenport/Marcus Davenport
Series: Marcus Reprogrammed [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761688
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	When I Look at Him

**Author's Note:**

> It was really only a matter of time before I started writing Marase.
> 
> also this takes place at the bionic academy. rereading, i realized that I didn't really make the setting all that clear so oopsies.
> 
> ALSO let me just say that Marcus is an android and has no real DNA therefore not incest. that's my excuse.

It was hard to look at him now.

It's just... I know he's good now. I know Douglas reprogrammed him so he could be and normal teenager. I know he doesn't want to be evil and won't return to his old ways.

But when I look it him, that's not what I see. I see the Marcus that lured us into his lair, before trapping us and trying to hurt us. He tried to kill Adam and Bree. He had tried to kill Douglas and Daniel. There's no one in my life who he hasn't tried to kill. Everyone I've ever loved - almost killed by Marcus.

But that's not even the entire problem.

When I look at Marcus, I also see everything I used to think he was. The sensitive new kid, who had a bunch of family issues at home, and just needed friends. We were those friends. And when I look at him now, I feel like we're back in sophomore year, playing our guitars at full volume and rendering Leo as just jealous.

And when I look at him, all the feelings I had back then come rushing back. Marcus was my first and only friend, but the entire time, my heart had wanted to take it further. Because Marcus was cute, and kind, and smart, and helpless, and friendly, and really everything I would ever need in a boyfriend.

He actually enjoyed my company, and I actually enjoyed his. He made my stomach fill up with butterflies, and I never thought I'd be able to explain it. So I never did. No one ever knew.

Marcus had broke my heart the day we found out he was using us. That he was evil and just wanted to capture us. That he was working for our evil father/uncle, and nothing he did or said to us was authentic in the slightest.

At least, I assumed it wasn't.

Everyone I've ever put trust into had become evil. Him and Sebastian. Two boys that I really enjoyed getting to know, and wanted to get to know them more. They wanted to get to know me, too, but only for their own evil benefit. It wasn't fair, and it's not fair now.

So, when I look at Marcus now, reprogrammed and acting like a normal man, I feel the oddest mixture of betrayal, guilt, anger, and love. And I can't _stand it_!

So what do I do? I avoid him. Because that's the easier thing for me to do. After all Marcus has done to me - to my heart - I find it almost impossible to trust him the same way I used to. So impossible, in fact, that I don't even feel like it would be worth it to try.

I sit on the couch in the mentors' quarters, staring out the window longingly. Because I know trusting Marcus is impossible, and I know I don't even feel like it would be worth it to try, but I really, really, wanna see him again.

Which doesn't make sense! This kid has made my heart beat faster then ever before, just to break it multiple times. Why do I still think I can love him?

"Chase!" Adam poked his head into the quarters, "Break ended yesterday, remember? You have class today."

I groaned. I _had_ completely forgot today was a school day. After all that's happened over break, I don't know how easy it'll be for me to adapt.

Luckily, classes are easy. You sit down and let the kids fight each other. If someone gets hurt, have someone take them to the infirmary. If they all absolutely suck at what they're doing, stand up and lecture them for the rest of class. Easy. I don't need any brainpower or motivation to do this. I just have to keep my mind off Marcus for 20 minutes.

I walk into the training room and clap my hands, "Hey guys, sorry I'm late." I said before laughing awkwardly, "Kinda- er- forgot break was over. We've all been there.

The students broke out of their little gossiping huddles and turned there attention to me.

And of course, the first thing I notice is Marcus, smiling at me, dressed in the intermediate level student uniform.

Why did no one tell me he was enrolled? And, a better question; _why did they put him in my group?_

I stared at him for a second, honestly sort of terrified, before deciding to just pretend he wasn't there. He's just another student. Marcus who?

"Ok, guys, get into groups of two. Same abilities, please! That way you all will be evenly matched and there's a less likely probability of me having to drag you to the infirmary." The class chucked and shuffled into pairs, practicing their abilities on each other.

My group used to be able to do this perfectly, with an even number of 18 students. But not today.

"Welp." I turned to see Marcus, standing by himself in the middle of the room, partner-less. He held his arms out, gesturing to his lack of partner, "What do I do?"

Do I really have a choice? "I'll be your partner."

He squinted at me, "You don't have my abilities. You're nothing against me."

He didn't say it in a villainy way in the slightest, but just that sentence brought back some bad memories. I don't like this. Why can I just see Marcus as a new person, like everyone else can?

He tilted his head, "You okay, Chase? You look kinda nauseous."

I shook my head, swallowing whatever thoughts kept popping up in my brain, "I'm fine. Let's go. Give me your best shot."

That was a mistake. Because Marcus really did give me his best shot. He prepared a plasma ball and aimed it in my direction. When I tried to move out of the way. He used molecular kinesis to keep me in one place. I grabbed the ball with my molecular kinesis, but the minute I did, he super-sped behind me and punched me in the back, his super strength sending my flying into the floor.

I rolled over in pain, and just when I thought it was over, the plasma ball I was holding on to fell right onto my gut.

I groaned in pain and Marcus immediately ran up to me, "Oops." He said, cringing. He helped me sit up and then said, "In my defense, you did say to give you my best shot."

I nodded. My eyes were squinted in pain, and I kept my hand on my stomach as if that would stop it from hurting. I looked up at Marcus and immediately felt like vomiting. This all seemed too familiar. Me on the ground in pain, and Marcus above me, about to end it.

But he's not about to end it. I just find it hard to convince myself of that.

He rested his hand on my back, and I couldn't help but tense up from the touch. It's a reflex at this point.

Marcus sensed my uncomfort and back up a little. "Sorry," he whispered quickly.

I don't know why the pain was so... painful. I've dealt with much worse pain than this, but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to stand up.

Marcus sat down beside me, "Do you want me to take you to the infirmary?"

I shook my head, "No, of course not." I tried to stand up, "I'm strong. I can-" I flopped back onto the floor, and Marcus caught me to ease my fall.

"I know you are." He said. I felt my face get a tad hot from the compliment. But I couldn't be like that. Not now, not after all he's done and is apparently still doing. "But you can't even stand." I felt arms wrap around my back and legs as Marcus picked me up, "You're going to the infirmary."

I wish, I wish, I _wish_ there was a way to cover up my face right now. I could feel it burning, and there's no way Marcus can't see it. But I wasn't going to look at him. I wasn't going to-

I looked up at Marcus as he carried me, feeling sort of like a little lovesick baby. He noticed, and smiled softly at me.

 _fieinfosnffkejd_ _why must he be so cute_

He set me down on a bed in the infirmary, and, since we don't have any actual doctors, Douglas walked in and said, "Woah, Chase? You're supposed to be the one carrying _students_ here! What happened?"

Marcus shrugged, "I gave him my best shot." He said simply.

Douglas laughed, "No way! Chase, this is what you're supposed to be _preventing_!"

"Accidents? Or Marcus?" I managed, and Douglas chucked.

"I'll get some injury numbing serum in a second." He said, checking my reflexes and, yknow, doctor stuff, "But nothing seems to be broken. So must've been your heart doing all the hurting." He started to walk away, leaving me slightly confused. Right before heading out the door, he turned to me and winked, "I don't have any numbing serum for your heart."

_oh shoot he totally knows._

Marcus sat in a chair beside my bed, staring at the spot his dad had just left in confusion. "What was that about?" He asked.

I shrugged, even though I knew very well that Douglas was referring to this obvious crush I have on Marcus. Is it really _that_ obvious?

Marcus decided to change the subject, "Haven't seen you around in a while." He stated, "Been busy or..?"

No, not really. I was just avoiding you.

I couldn't find a suitable lie. Maybe it was because I was still in pain, or maybe because it was Marcus. So I just didn't reply.

He flicked my temple playfully, "Hello? Chase?"

"Huh?" I said, perking up, pretending to have just zoned out.

He sighed and shook his head, "You've been avoiding me." He concluded. "That makes sense."

He looked at the floor, and I suddenly felt _really_ bad. He got the wrong idea, didn't he? He though that I was avoiding him because of him, when really I was avoiding him because of _me._

"No!" I defended, determined to make sure Marcus knew he... meant something? I guess? "I was just avoiding you because I-"

I stopped. What am I supposed to say? _Because I love you? Because I hate you? Because you hurt me? Because I hurt you?_

He stared at me, confused. I looked at him. He really was adorable. I've always thought that, since we first meant. I mean _look at the man!_ I thought I wouldn't be able to like him ever again after what he tried to do to our family, but here I am. I knew I wouldn't be able to look at him the same, but I didn't think I'd look at him like _this._

"Because you.. what?"

When I look at him, I feel the past, present, and future. It's not a mixture of emotions, it _is_ an emotion. One that I can't even describe, because it's unique only to me.

Because I'm afraid. I was avoiding Marcus because I'm afraid. What am I afraid of though? That Marcus will turn on me again? That I'll love him and he won't love me back? That I'll never be able to be his friend again?

"Because I'm afraid of what I'll say to you."

That's it. I'm afraid I'll say something and change everything. I'm afraid something will slip and nothing will be the same. I'm afraid I'll hurt him. I'm afraid I'll scare him. I'm afraid of what I'm capable of, just by speaking to him.

Marcus frowned, still confused. "You're scared you'll say something wrong?"

I guess? Maybe? No. Wrong means incorrect.

I shook my head, "I'm scared I'll say something right."

It was silent for a moment, and then Marcus laughed awkwardly, "What?"

"I don't want anything to change." I elaborated, "And sometimes speaking the truth can change everything, especially when you're not 100 percent sure what that truth really is."

His face softened, and he seemed to better understand my reasoning a little more. "You don't have to scared." He said, scooting his chair a little closer and putting his hand on the side of my bed, "Change will happen whether you want it to or not." He chuckled, "You of all people should know that."

"I just don't want anything to be... _my fault_."

Because what if I told Marcus that I had a huge crush him, even when I figured out he was evil? What if that caused him to go back to being evil, because maybe he got the wrong idea or something? What if he told me he _wouldn't_ go back to being evil, and I opened up to him, like I had with Sebastian? What if I give him confidentials because I loved him and I trusted him, and he used them for evil? What if he became the next Sebastian, and, once again, it was because of me?

Marcus nodded and looked away. "I can understand that."

"'Kay I'm back!" Douglas came in, totally ruining our moment. "This might hurt a little, but it'll stop all the other pain. And then you'll be good to go back to your quarters!" He injected a syringe of numbing serum into my blood stream, and I could feel the pain slowly releasing. "There ya' go."

I stood up, Marcus behind me just in case I flopped back over. I didn't.

"Thanks Douglas." I said, waving, before Marcus and I headed out of the infirmary.

We walked down the hallway in the direction of the little hangout area. "Jeez, Chase," Marcus said, looking at his watch, "You missed your entire class! I'm surprised we didn't see more of your students in the infirmary with us!"

I laughed at his joke, and he looked at me and smiled. "Y'know," he started, "I'm just gonna come out and say it - you're cute."

I stopped in my tracks and bit my lip, trying to keep myself from becoming a smiley, giggly mess.

Marcus turned and laughed at me, "That was it, wasn't it?"

"What?" I said, slowly gaining composure and the ability to move again.

"The thing you were afraid you'd say. You have a _crushhh!"_ He sang mockily, like a child, "And it's _meee!"_

I turned away, trying to hide my face, "Ok fine, but you don't have to rub it in!" I said, embarrassed.

I wasn't even freaking out about the possibility of him becoming evil again. I was just living in the moment. The very awkward, embarrassing moment.

"Oh, I don't want to." He said, walking back to where I was still standing, "Because I feel the same way."

What, really?

"What, really?"

He nodded, "Yeah. Basically, you're really obvious. So I decided I'd just wait until you gave it away yourself. That way _you'd_ be embarrassed." He nudged me in the side, (without his super strength, thank GOODNESS), "I'm evil like that."

 _Evil_.

But he was joking. He was normal now. I could see it in his eyes. He doesn't look like a fake anymore, (I'd know, considering how many I've been friends with). He's not evil and he really doesn't want to be.

And when I look at him now, all I feel is happy. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm like REALLY proud of certain parts of this, but as a whole I feel like it was just mediocre? Like, what was that ending?


End file.
